Deceiving the Heart
by Archosy
Summary: Severus had no way of trying to deny it now, he was cornered to face the most painful truth he'd ever had to find out. Lily loved James Potter, and always would..But she loved him too....


**Author's Note: **I hope you enjoy this one, even if it's a bit cliche'd. It's my first Lily/Severus, so please let me know what you think.

**Disclaimer: **I own nothing.

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"Get away from me, I don't like to lower myself to dirt," Severus spat towards the only woman he loved. He glared at her, and it traveled downwards to the shining ring on her finger. Her wounded expression caused his to soften, but not let go of the glare he was sending her. She was going to know full and well of his opinion of her and Potter, not that she didn't know it already. But she had the audacity to think that he had wanted to attend her wedding to that - that - mongrel. Severus had already told her repeatedly that he refused to come to that, sickening event, but she just felt that she had to persist. Instinctively, her right hand flew to the ring that he was looking at, and she unconciously twirled it around her finger. He wanted to jerk the ring off and curse it into oblivion.

"But Sev - " Her eyes were pleading with Severus, though he forced himself to keep his gaze away from them. If he looked at her eyes, there was no way he could deny her request, but Severus wanted to remain firm where he stood. She was not going to get the upper hand and win this argument.

"Don't call me that," Severus spoke through clenched teeth. His hand was clasped tightly around his robes so tight the color in his knuckles had faded to an even paler shade. It was hard not to look into her eyes and apologize, but his anger towards her overpowered his sympathetic side. "Why don't you go snuggle up to Potter again, he might care to share your filthiness. After all, he is an animal, along with the rest of those idiots. It wouldn't be much of a difference, dirty blood mixed with fleas. You really are the perfect match." He sneered, resisting the urge to take it all back.

"I probably deserved that," The perfect angel spoke barely above a whisper. She looked down at the floor, too ashamed to look him in the face. Severus took this chance to look at her, which looked as though she was debating whether or not to leave. Suddenly, she looked back at him, he quickly lowered his gaze back away from her eyes. "It's outside - the wedding." She began to tell Severus, still hoping that he would come. "Dumbledore himself is marrying us, right outside the Great Lake." Her voice rose while quivering, pleading with him, "Severus, please, I want you to be there. I want all of my closest friends to be there."

His eyes flashed at her choice of words. Her closest friends, that's all he was. Actually, he was surprised he was that at all, he was surprised she had to courage to call me that now. But then again, she was a bloody Gryffindor, he should have expected it. "Don't call me that. I'm not your friend, remember?"

"Severus, you know I didn't mean it that way!" She began to shout at him. Her hair bounced at her ferocity as she looked as though she had jumped while speaking. Though, Severus couldnt' tell whether she was more upset or angry. He looked at her, knowing that he had made her furious. But she had to get a taste of her own medicine. "I love you!" The words stung him even more now at the sound of her voice. But they were nothing but lies.

Slowly, the words formed at his lips and slipped out before he could do anything. "No, you don't. You don't love me...and I don't love you. You mean nothing to me," Severus whispered while glowering at her, she recoiled as though someone had slapped her. Her eyes caught his for the first time, and he closed mine tightly. Trying to shove the images out of his head, Severus shook his head lightly, as though it would help. Though, he knew it wouldn't. Never would the images leave his mind, those perfect features, the perfect moments.

_His hand clasped tightly around the piece of parchment in the pocket of his robes that he had just received. Pulling it out, Severus unfolded it to reread the words written on them. 'Room of Requirement, please. As soon as you can get away. L.' Looking back towards the door, he didn't think that he could wait any longer, that she wasn't going to show up, when suddenly she burst through the doorway, flinging herself into his arms. It took Severus a moment to notice that she was crying, "Oh Severus," She sobbed lightly into his shoulder James and I, we - we had a fight." _

Opening his eyes to see her again, Severus saw that her face had softened, and tears that had begun to brim her eyelids. He silently wished that she would realize that he didn't mean any of it. She was perfect, how could someone so angelic do anything so wrong? Moreover, how could she think that she'd done anything to make him not want to have anything to do with her? It was absurd that she could even think so.

Suddenly, she took off. Severus could practically see the tears flying from her face as she ran. Stop, he wanted to yell to her, to apologize. He just wanted her to to stop. But no sound would come, as though he was mute. Her red hair bobbed as she ran, and the images kept coming. _He buried his face in her hair, as she explained the fight to him. The wedding, he cringed at the thought, they had fought about the wedding. The fact about them getting married still seemed surreal to him. Though, simple spats can turn into horrible things; Severus spent the next half-hour comforting her, telling her that she was better off. With her state at the moment, she would have listened to anything someone told her. _

He squinted my eyes tightly shut, wishing the images to leave. It didn't help. Only more began to come. _"Oh, I love you Severus, more than you'll know," Taken aback by her words, Severus wasn't sure as to what she meant by them. Suddenly, Severus experienced something he never thought that he would have before, she was kissing him. Her lips tasted just as anyone could imagine, amazing. Not thinking clearly, Severus returned her kiss eagerly, knowing that he would never get another chance like this to show her how he felt about her. Her hands placed themselves on either side of his face, and he licked along her bottom lip._

"Dammit!" Severus slammed his fists into the wall. There was no telling how many times these memories ran through his mind, forcing him to remember her. Her scent, her taste, everything about her that he wished he'd hadn't ever found out about. All these things he'd dreamed about her since he'd fallen in love with her, and now that he knew them, he'll never be able to forget them. The images, the thoughts, the memories, now they'd always plague him for as long as he remembered. Even more so when he saw her, he would remember her hair, her silky red hair as it had lay beneath him that night as she stared into his eyes smiling.

Frustrated with himself, Severus walked to the common room and went straight to lie down on his bed. Unfortunately - just as he had feared - as every night before he went to sleep for the past month, the same burning memories returned. _She sighed as he kissed her neck. His fingers trailed down her unbuttoned blouse, following down to her belly button. Severus moved his hands to the zipper of her skirt, but hesitated, and looked at her. She nodded, "Please," it sounded more like a demand. _He jumped awake with sweat trickeling down his forehead.

Tonight was too much for him to deal with these tonight, so he dragged himself to the infirmary. As expected, Severus was greeted by the nurse asking what was wrong, he lied. It was simple enough for her to believe. So simple, he was surprised that he hadn't thought of it before, it would have saved him many sleepless nights. She gave him some Dreamless Sleep potion without a second question, not curious about his explaination's authenticity. Though, she didn't really have a need to, he hadn't ever been dishonest to her, she'd seen him in there plenty of times after Potter and his bloody gang of buffoons would make him the source of their entertainment. She allowed Severus to take the potion back to his dorm to take, so he wouldn't have to stay overnight. Silently thanking Merlin as he entered his dorm once more, he drifted off into nothingness...he hadn't slept so good in months.

Lily sighed, licking her lips as she sat down on in front of the vanity. The satin corset of her dress seemed to be depriving her of air. It only got worse, as her bride's maid tightened the lace-up in the back, causing her to gasp. Silently, she muttered a charm so that the corset fulfilled it's purpose, but wasn't crushing against her lungs anymore. The mirror seemed to be lying...Lily did not look the least bit like herself. Her red hair was put up in a bun, with two small strands curling to rest lightly on her cheeks, and her makeup gave her a slightly angelic appearance.

Smoothing out her dress, her eyes closed, before she felt a falling in her gut. _Severus began approaching her as she sat with James holding her under the tree. It was the first time he'd approached her in days since their...encounter. Lily hadn't ever felt more guilt-ridden since, but she wasn't surprised with herself. How could she not feel guilt? Betraying James like that...over a simple argument...it was foolish of her to take such rash actions._

_"Lily, have you told him?" Severus began to question her. Oh no, Lily thought, he was bringing it up in front of James. _

_"I don't know what you're talking about," She lied, it was all she could do. James's grip around her tightened as he gave her a curious look. Severus now held a bewildered expression while looking at her. _

_"But you said you - "_

_"What are you talking about? Calling her Lily now? What happened to 'mudblood'?" James sneered, she flinched. _

_"Lily, tell him! You told me you loved me!" Severus growled, James burst out into laughter. _

_Her eyes widened at his words, "I don't have any idea what you're saying...I love James...You mean nothing to me," Lily hated to lie to him. No, Severus did mean something to her, he meant a lot to her. He'd been her friend ever since their beginning at Hogwarts, even before they found out who they were. But there was no way she could acknowledge that she told Severus she loved him without having to face James with the fact that she was in love with another man as well as him. James laughed at Severus, which hurt her just as much before seeing Severus walk away glaring._

Yes, she loved James, and yes, she did love Severus as well. She didn't just love Severus as she loved her friends was _in_ love with Severus just as much as she was James. Her love for them was different from the other though, very different. James loved her unconditionally, he treated her the way a queen would be, and would do anything for her. He would cheer her up if she was upset, he'd help her through whatever obstacles she was facing.

With Severus, it was far the opposite. It was an attraction that she knew she held, but she didn't think that it would hold for anything longer, even if it was love. They were too different in ways that would cause them to fall apart, as she kept telling herself. Yes, he'd been her friend ever since they were young. Unlike James, he wouldn't console her to make her feel better, he would cut to the chase, advise her on what he thought she should do. He skipped the sentiment, and got his mind across. For some odd reason though, he was much easier to talk about her problems with rather than James. Maybe even if she didn't always agree with what he said, she did for the most part. He was her other half, in her opposite personality.

Lily and James Potter...Lily Potter...Lily kept repeating the words in her head. Of course, Lily loved the idea of getting married. And yes, she loved that she was getting married to James, but a part of her wished that it was Severus she was marrying. Though, she knew that either way, that would never happen. Severus was far too interested in the Dark Arts for her to have anything with, and her love for James was too strong for her to even consider leaving him for another person.

Smiling in the mirror, she began to recite, "Hi, I'm Lily Potter, we're happy you could come," over and over. The more she recited it to herself, the more her voice broke, but her smile stayed. The thought made her happy, but another part of her still wished that she would be reciting "I'm Lily Snape'' instead. She shook it away, and continued to focus on how happy she would be with James. He was not her other half, yet he was her soul mate. Far too complicated for Lily to confide in anyone with, she didn't think they would understand how one was her other half, and one was her soul mate, so she didn't bother.

"Lily, you ready? It's almost time." Her bridesmaid's voice rang through the door. Lily studied herself once more in the mirror before nodding. Peeking out the window, she smiled as she saw James standing beside Sirius and Remus. She closed the door behind her without another thought of the dark haired Slytherin's whereabouts, focusing on her future life with James Potter.

Rather than sitting outside watching the woman he loved get married to another, he rested far off in the Forbbidden Forest. So far out that it seemed to already be nightfall. The room's windows were boarded up, the building abandoned for all trace of life except for the few using the empty home. Cobwebs were all over in the corners, and the rug on the floor was covered in dust.

Severus stared out the small creak opening in one of the windows. A small ray of light escaped, he thought of how at this very moment, Lily was getting married. To James Potter, of all people. The fact had never really sunk in to him yet, but now it had, and he felt a drop in his stomach. He hadn't really realized the seriousness about them getting married. Though, the ring on her finger that he found himself staring at every day should have been proof enough.

For so long, he'd argued that it wasn't true, that eventually she would come to him telling about how it was all a joke. But now, here it was, she was marrying him. And he was cornered to face the most painful truth he'd ever had to find. She loved James Potter. There was no denying it, she would always love him. Severus knew that she did love him too, on some level. Maybe not the way, or as much as James Potter, but she did love him.

She was the only person who helped him during Hogwarts. Among everyone else, he was alone, isolated. No one was his companion, and she helped him through it all. She helped him feel like he belonged somewhere, just to make him realize that he wasn't alone. But with her being married, he was alone again in the world, with no one to comfort him. So he hoped that he could finally find somewhere to belong somewhere. Somehow, he felt that this was a way he could find somewhere to fit in with the other outcasts amongst the world. Severus stood in front of someone he honestly didn't think he'd have the courage to face. He was surprised at himself for being so courageous, and knelt down as the person asked him the desired question. "Do you pledge your loyalty to me, and rather face death than betray me?"

Severus kneeled to the dust covered floor and bowed his head, "Yes, Master..."


End file.
